Taking a chance

Lewis Carroll wrote "In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make." Recently I've been talking to a guy. Without getting into too much detail, we met online and video chatted for a bit. I got to know a bit of what he was all about and he seemed to be exactly what I've been waiting for all these years. We made plans for me to come visit. 

In the last little while, he's gone distant. At first, I understood his reasoning (I won't get into it) but that reason is no more. And I still can't get him to talk to me. We had a short conversation the other day, and after that, I'm pretty sure my trip is off. The short story is, he doesn't think I was actually going to come. I understand that. Why get your hopes up for something, just to be disappointed when it doesn't happen. But I even told him which weekend I planned to come. He also mentioned that he was afraid of the distance. I think this is the main issue. We're not just talking a different city... We're talking over 3,400km. It's a huge thing for me as well, but as I said at the beginning, we regret the chances we didn't take. In the past, I've been too afraid. I haven't taken the chance. And I've regretted it every time!  This time I got myself excited! I decided I wanted to step out of my comfort zone. I decided to take 3 planes, in 2 countries completely by myself. I've never done anything like that before. I was excited... And TERRIFIED! But I was really looking forward to it! I was taking a chance. 

Now I feel all sorts of conflicted. I still like him. I know he's a great person. But I'm a little upset. I'm definitely hurt. I wonder if a straight answer would help me. I have no idea. But I think his silence is answer enough. Whatever his reason. 

This just happens to me too often. I'll talk to a guy, I think things are going well, and then they just disappear.. No explanation. How does a person NOT take that personally. I can't help but wonder what it is I do that makes guys disappear on me. I've even gone so far as to ask people . I've asked friends -guys and girls- and even ex boyfriends. No one seems to be able to give me an answer there. Even the two people I KNOW would tell me the absolute truth no matter what... 

So what do I do? Do I keep taking those chances? Do I lock my heart up inside a vault and leave it there? At this point, I have no choice but to believe that these guys disappearing has something to do with me. I have no other explanation. 

As for this most recent interaction, I have to tell myself that I have no regrets. I put myself out there. I let down my walls. I was ready to take a HUGE chance and go WAY out of my comfort zone!